“Rainsong”

The rain is playing a song, that maybe I am tired of hearing, yes
but I think if I lived in a desert, I would miss the rain so much more
than I miss the sun right now
It has been 5 weeks with darkness and rain
I think of Utqiaġvik, Alaska where they live in 24 hours of darkness
and cold, cold cold
The first thing I did when I arrived back from being inland, was drive to the ocean
I took deep sniffs of the salty air
the familiar scent of fish mingled with sea
I let the wind course through my hair
rain collect on my eyelashes, drip down my nose to sit on my cupid’s bow
The rain carries melancholy, time for grief, she urges her own rhythm upon the world, she grows flowers and strengthens rivers
sometimes you just have to start all over

I practice finding beauty in anything I can, I know I cannot judge rain as “bad” even though she may do bad things
People do bad things, and there can still be good people
I remember learning how each raindrop is really being repeated, how they build our oceans, just to start all over again, to fall and rise over and over

I remember being young and sitting outside in pouring rain, letting it drench my very bones, my soul, cleansing me to grow with the flowers, listening to it pound and slide off gutters,
knowing the very raindrops sinking into my skin would be born again.
I was thankful for the sensation of being alive, paying attention to each screaming miniscule of my body.

So, I will be thankful for the rain.
I will remember how when it ceased its chaos for ten minutes, how I felt it was too silent.
I will remember how it feels when I am hot, sweaty and dry, praying to the sky for it to rain, begging, fires rampaging California, biting my uncle’s neck.
I will remember how the rain gives me more time to dance in my room, to recoup inspiration, and read, curled up by candlelight. How it gives me the comfort of falling asleep to its coaxing lullaby and my lover’s breath. How it connects me to rivers, lakes, and oceans. Oh, how I love to swim in them with the salmon, and feel my power encased in the great element of water.

I will play the rain’s song in my Southeast blood,
trek through her rampaging in my Xtratuffs.
I accept the wind throwing my hair in my face, pushing my body backwards as I run against her force, I close my eyes and imagine all of her force is all my fears
and I keep going,
and I don’t complain…
I say thank you

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